A letter to noone

It's just about a week ago two years ago that I met you. I still remember you behind the counter smiling as I walked up to collect my keys coming back from vacation. I knew that you had been hired, and I was curious about everything when I was told essentially that you were going to be replacing my good friend who I had met at work. It was curious at first. I didnt really want to let you in. I was sad that my friend was leaving me. This guy that I viewed almost as a little brother, someone that I from work spent almost as much time with than the girl I was living with. So we started slow. I watched you interact with our coworkers. I'm always a little timid at first. I never seem to know when to jump in when theres a new person about. Sometimes I can just take over the conversation, and leave the new person out. Kind of use my might and familiarity with the people around me to kind of push the new person in the background. Let them know that this is my space. But not you. You just have this ease with people. You just barge on in and the radiance that you carries just puts a smile on peoples faces. Theres not a single person that I can think of that you dont have that way about you with. It's always been something that I admired about you. Its something that rubs off as well. You made me more open, more friendly, and more jovial towards other people. But I digress...when I met you I found it hard to jump in. It really wasnt until the nights when we started closing alone started piling behind us that we started to really open up, well at least me. I admit that I had a crush on you from the get go. I was disappointed when I found out that you were married, even though I had a girlfriend at the time. But alas we started forming a fast friendship, and you went from coworker to confidant pretty quickly, you were always there with a kind word, and a funny quip to keep me going, all while having my side, and my back. You worried about me when I was not taking care of myself, and hated the invisible girl who was slowly but surely breaking my heart. The more that we talked, and the more time I spent with you, I started developing real feelings for you. I found myself making excuses to come to work when you were there, to find something, anything to do with you outside of work. Just to be near you, to sometimes feel your hand graze up against mine, to smell the scent of your shampoo in your hair, to smell you as you brushed by me. To sometimes secretly gaze at you from afar and watch you work, and interact with people with your wonderful smile. And we texted....my goodness did we ever. And I would get jealous even then when you would tell me things about your life at home. Sometimes, and I know you did purposely try to make me jealous. But you always looked forward to talking to me. You were always trying to get my attention, but you always had it. You just didnt know it. I tried to keep things as friends, but I could tell you liked me. It would have been easy if I didnt feel the same way as you did. I could have just kept the whole situation at arms length, but I just couldn't. I struggled with my feelings for you. What the hell would a married woman want with me? I didnt think I could ever have you. I just didnt forsee anyway that you'd ever feel for me more than just a crush. I still remember the night we made the leap. We had been flirting in texts for a couple days, and it was just building and building to an apex. You were working downtown, and taking the train back to your car that you had parked near work. We were getting all sorts of worked up, and then I told you what I would do to you if you came in. And you came in anyway. I pressed you up against the shelving in the back room. My hands going crazy, trying to touch all of you at once. Not knowing where to go, but I needed you. I wanted you more than I wanted anyone else in my life at that moment. Every inch of skin I touched, hotter than the last, my hands couldn't move fast enough, couldn't squeeze and touch enough. I slid my hands down inside your skirt, under your stockings and into your panties, and my god was that the hottest moment of my life for a long time. Feeling how wet and writhing you were for me. Sigh. That carried on for awhile until we had sex. And we had sex, and sex, and more sex. Each time better than the time before, no matter if it was grappling hot fucking, or as we found later on tender, soft connecting sex. It was the best I've ever had. Our bodies seemed to speak to each others. Telling each other what it wanted, what it needed. We rarely spoke, but we communicated novels with our naked bodies. I think the same went for us. You never had to tell me what you needed. I listened to what you had to say. I knew when you needed to be heard. To be supported. To be forgiven. To have someone have your back, just as you always had mine. I'd never turn my back on you. I know I've said it a million times in the past. But you really are the best person I ever met in my life. It's evident more to me now than it ever has been when we were together. I miss you from the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I go to sleep at night. Theres a void you left. And its not just you, or your texts, or your smile, or your smell, or your hugs, or even the way youd scuttle up to me and rest your head on me. The biggest void is in me. I'm not the same anymore. I was a better person with you than I will ever be on my own. I'm no longer the happy, quick with a joke, funny, lovable guy that you left. I miss that guy. I like the person I was when I was with you. I don't have much use for the person I am now. You gave me hope, everyday. I looked at you and I saw everything I ever wanted in that beautiful, wonderful smelling, simpson loving, knitting crazy, package. I saw a hope for a future, I saw a family, and a house, and chopping down trees for christmas, and lounging by the lake and traveling, and more than anything conversations, and talks about the future. I don't know what else to say. I look for you....everywhere. I stand out front of work every monday at 4:15, every wednesday I fight not taking a train ride. But I dont know what you want. I don't know if you still love me. I dont know if you still miss me. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I really do need you. I don't think I needed anyone in my life until I met you. And I don't think I've ever begged anyone of anything. But I will. I'm begging you. If you feel the way that I do, If you still long for a future, for a family. Please show me a sign. Lead me home. Love always, Dave