You...

Do you want to know why I stick around? Why it is I come back over and over again. It isn't because I'm some sadist. It isn't because I like the abuse. I do have abandonment issues, those I'm sure I've told you about.

 It isn't because I'm lonely. I am sometimes, but I fill out my days with people surrounding me that I care about. I'm still doing things that I find enjoyable. I recently went to the auto show, the field museum (to see the worlds fair exhibit that I know you would have loved), went ice fishing, and have been to more thrift stores than you can shake a stick at. 

It isn't that I'm naive, and that I think that the lust and rabid passion can be sustained throughout an entire relationship, even though I don't think that theres any slowing down of my libido happening anytime soon, and after a year and a half, there really wasn't any slowdown in that department anyway. 

No, the reason I stick around is simple. 

You are the only person I've ever met in my life that made me a better person. 

I loved who I was with you. You made me want to rise up to your level of niceness, and friendliness to strangers. I was the most confident in myself than I had ever been.That made me more open with people, not just at work, but strangers, cashiers, the mailman, everybody. I had a quick joke, a friendly smile, and a spring in my step. I liked being that way, having a feeling that you are special to someone. You inspired me, you inspired me to want things for myself again. A family, a business, a happy and fulfilled life. You inspired me to write, to love like I've never loved before. To put my whole heart on the line. To plan, to try to inspire, to prove to you that you were just as loved as you made me feel. I never felt that way before. I never had so many people look at myself with another person and have it infect them the way that we did. I never had people smile, make comments, honk horns as we walked down the street. We were that happy, you can't fake that. That's not naive, that's not even normal, it's the kind of happiness that occurs only randomly. I can't just sit back and pretend like its to be found elsewhere. I never had so many people tell me how happy we looked. 

 I walked step by step with you and discovered that there actually was a person out there that shared my joys in life, someone that made me feel that I wasn't settling on a god damned thing.  Your interests were my interests, and vise versa.  So while, the initial puppy dog feelings may go away, but i strongly disagree that they would. The things that are enjoyable to us would keep us in those spirits forever. To truly live. 

 I never once faked it with you. I never had to.  I may be wrong, but I feel deep down you felt it too.