I kind of just had it at that point. I was sick of the offerings that life had given. Just shit upon shit. I had just spent the day thinking of how shitty it was to be alone on valentines day again, just to recieve word that my brother was in the hospital, and with him being morbidly obese, I was deeply concerned for his life. I started to think of the time I wasted, of the time that I never spent with him, or his family.
I told Bill that I needed to get max's drunk. Max's is this shit hole of all shit hole bars. I mean the place only has two tap beers, old style and Busch. It's a place you go to get angry drunk. The whole scene is one of just utter dispair.
So we went, problem was both taps were out, and while the selections are bad, they are cheap. So we left and walked down to the next bar, which is carols pub. As we walked up, there she was, this waitress that I've been trying to talk to for the past five years was. We stood outside and caught up for about five minutes. Then we went in.
All night, she stood next to bill and I chatting, and everytime she went to have a cigarette she grabbed me and took me along with her. Bill kept telling me to get her number all night, and on the last time out she did the job for me. " I've bartender for the last ten years", she said. "I've never given my number out to a customer ever." "You were my customer first", I said.
So I waited a day to call her. I was too hungover to want to talk to anyone the next day anyway. I picked up the phone Monday afternoon and she picked up. We talked for about an hour and a half and got off the phone. I told her to just call or text me when she had a minute.
Two hours later we were texting again, pretty much all night. We planned on getting together Thursday for trivia. All in all not a bad first time talking.
Tuesday after I got off of work we were texting back and forth and she asked if I would call her. So I did, and we talked about 4 hours on the phone. She said she didn't want to wait til Thursday to see me, and wondered if we could hang out Wednesday after I got off of work. I said I'd like that so we got off the phone at 2am. With plans to hang out later that day.
Wednesday came, and she was supposed to meet me at work after I got off. She texted me that she was down the street at the cultural society, and I should come find her in the ballroom. I thought that was kinda sweet and romantic so I agreed.
I was nervous. For the first time in years I had butterflies in my belly. My hands and arm pits sweating. I walked up the stairs to the ballroom and there she was. All gussied up and looked really pretty. I sat there and watched her for a minute or two. Just taking in her, and the thing that I was venturing into.
I walked into the room and she hugged me, we went room by room looking at the exhibits on Chicago history, and ventured into this room on Chicago jazz history. She spun around and looked at me, looked deep into my eyes and we kissed. And it was my first kiss on a real first date in about 5 years. On our way out she signed the guest book with our initials and the date, and wrote next to it...first kiss.
I asked her if she'd like to take a walk with me through millinium park. And we did. We talked and walked and ended up on a path towards navy peer. We made a snowman. Something I've been wanting to do all winter.
After awhile of walking, I could tell she was getting a little cold, so we ventured back towards the city, and she asked where I wanted to go. I held her hand and walked her up to the brown line sign and I put my hands over her eyes and asked her to point. She pointed to Diversey. So we made our way there, and I knew where we'd end up going.
We went to the beercade, which was the most brilliant idea ever, because it's pinball machines and PAC man and really good beer. You'd have to not have a pulse to not have fun there. We stayed for a while. And it was nice to have someone all over me again. To have someone I liked touch my face, kiss my neck, say nice things to me. We made out and she made a comment about being glad I'm not afraid of PDA.
We left the beercade and ventured over to another kind of hole in the wall bar. We sat and talked and canoodled in the corner. At that point I had to be up early and she put and end to the date stating I needed rest and that we'd see each other later that day. We curled up together on the red line until it was time for me to get off at Wilson.
I walked home happier than I have been in a long time. It was one of those nice nights that come around only once in awhile. Reminded me of the me that I like. The me I always wanted to be.
It also reminded me that people, are not what they seem to be. And on Thursday, the other shoe dropped.....
Thursday morning, I told her that I didn't think that my friends wanted to do trivia. But if she wanted we could still hang out and do whatever she wanted. She seemed fine with that. I was at work and with not a lot of time to text waited until I was off work.
I told her I was gonna go home, and take a nap and then get ready. She told me she was gonna go buy some paints and boots. So I should just text her later when I woke up. That was all fine and good, until I got to the stop near my house and she texted me that she might stay in, and that she just had a panic attack in the paint store about what she was doing with her life. Then she said she'd stop bothering me, and that if I still wanted to see her to just call when I woke up.
So I took a nap. Woke up and texted her that I was awake. She asked me to call and she said she was in a pissed off mood because one of her friends submitted her work to a beer company and they thought they might like to use her work for beer lables. That should be a good thing right? No....apparently the other people that they used before were better than her (even though her work is very good), and so now her entire life is in shambles. I joked and about ten minutes in asked, "so HOW are you?" Yeah, bad idea.
So any normal person after all this, would have been like, shit...don't go up there and meet her now you dumbass. But not me, I think I can cheer anyone up. No. False.
Right off the bat I notice a reoccurring theme with her. She's awful to the waitstaff, and bartenders. There hasn't been one that we encountered yet that she hasn't had a comment for, or a complaint about. And at that point that was 3 returned beverages. So we left the first place we went to, without paying, and I was almost afraid to leave the poor bastard a tip for my half drank guiness.
As we walked she asked what I would tip a bartender, and my answer is always the same. A dollar a drink, or 15-20% of the bill. She then accused me of telling her what she wanted to hear.
Then she told me that she still had feelings for her ex, and when I said. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. She started saying that she didn't know about this situation. So I got aggregated and went out for a smoke. I sat out there awhile, frustrated and kind of let down from the night I had previously, when she came outside after me.
She kissed me, and said she was just having a bad day. And I said look, you can't do that. You can't say that you don't know how you feel about your ex, or this situation and just kiss me and expect me to forget about things.
We went back inside and then she said that she forced herself to have a good time the night before. And at that point I was good and flustered and so I got the check. I paid and said I was walking to the train. I sat there and talked with her a bit more. As I was walking with her to the train, I said, look...I don't know what you want, but I can't have someone fucking with my head. So if you don't want to be here then turn around and go.
She turned. Stood there and then turned around and kissed me again. At that point I turned to her and said, " I don't think I can do this." And turned and walked to the train.
Is this what's left? A land full of misfits and castoffs? People that can't stand to be happy? People that are so hurt and alone that they push off at the first sight of someone trying to be nice to them.
There's a person out there. There's a person that would love to do the things I did on a first date. There's a person out there that would like to have a thousand first dates with me. All over and over again. Someone to explore with, keep each other guessing. Someone that's just happy to be in the arms of someone who loves them. I know who I want that person to be, and I hope one day she realizes that I'm still out here, fighting everyday trying to bring some love to the world. I hope one day she joins me, so I can finally be the person I was meant to.
I don't know if I will go out with the bartender again. I see a lot of bad things there. But I am lonely. And I did finally make that damn snowman. Just not with the person I wanted to.
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